can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
