there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
