More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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