her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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