It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
