i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Drake has all the answers
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
