I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
