If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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