I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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