ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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