As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
