You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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