is your mom at the bar?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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