xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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