i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
