YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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