wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize