Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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