I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
