Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
