He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
