he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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