And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
