Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You can't motorboat a personality
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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