This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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