We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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