He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
