I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
