Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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