dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
