you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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