I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
