He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize