I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
