Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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