i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize