is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
