I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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