How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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