On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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