sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
