Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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