I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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