new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
