He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Let's paint friendship bongs
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
