I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize