can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
