We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Randomize
