do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
