i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize