well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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