I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
