I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
