My nipple is on Facebook.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
