all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize