if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
