TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
