Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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