It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
operation have a gay friend backfired
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
