we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
