if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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