Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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