I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
