Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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