yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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