then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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