I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize