I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
