So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize
