honey bunches of taint.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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