I want to stick my p in your. b.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
