they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
