Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
