David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
