Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
