I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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