All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I bet he comes in French.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
