A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
