Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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