Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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