If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
