I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
