the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
