dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
