Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize