I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I don't think brook has ever known best
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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