Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
