remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
