oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
