I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
