I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
