Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
im holly from the hills drunk
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Randomize
