yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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