don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
