if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
