Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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