1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
