Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
